The Wangle Genesis

23 Sep


spiders photo: Spiders Eyes RSCN0784.jpgIn the beginning was the land of the Wangles.

It was like an oasis of beauty in the desert of unreality. And in the land of the Wangles lived, quite logically, the Wangles.

There were He-Wangles who treasured their privacy and kept themselves (and their bodies) very much to themselves. They dictated that no She-Wangle should catch even the least glimpse of their skin. And they also dictated that She-Wangles must cover themselves up so thoroughly that the light of day never touched even the smallest patch of their skin, which is why they mostly had rickets.

And that was in the beginning.

In that beginning there was also Somse. Somse was a wise Wangle and he knew great and important things. He knew the Past, which very few other people knew because the Past implied that this wasn’t actually the beginning, and Somse insisted that it was.

It had to be, or his word would hardly count for much – not if there had been other words before his.

So he drew a line in Reality with his Words and said that everything that occurred before that line was, in actual fact, a lie.

“There was no Land of the Wangles,” he droned if anyone suggested there might have been. “There was only a great big Void. It stretched everywhere, across the heavens, into the deepest oceans, under mountains and where forests now grow. It was a miracle of nothingness! And the Omnipotent Wangle came along and moulded it. Using the tools of his hands and brain, he moulded that Void until it had Shape. And that, my friends, was in the Beginning…”

It was written down, and because it was Words, the first ever words of them all, it was believed. It had to be, else why would they have been written by the wise Somse at all?

Somse had uttered them and then written them, and they were the substance of Truth.

But Some said other things. He had discovered the power of words, and he wanted to glory in that power.

So he said that he, Somse, demanded Respect.

“I order you all, beloveds, to look under every rock and stone and into every corner of Creation and find Spiders,” he said. “And whan you have found Spiders you must destroy them! You must pull off their legs one by one and cast them into fiery pits! For Spiders are Evil!”

There was, in the Land of the Wangles, a She-Wangle called Vee who had a mischievous heart, and she heard the Word and understood what Respect meant. She understood that it meant that Somse was arachnophobic. It meant that Somse had a weakness and she meant to exploit that weakness for all it was worth.

So she went amongst the newly-made hills and mountains and searched under stones and rocks, and collected a huge number of spiders. She collected large ones and small ones, but it must be admitted that the greatest number that she collected were medium-sized. And she placed all of the spiders into a bag and when Somse was away from his home (the first of all homes, being in the beginning) she emptied her bag into his bed.

Spiders crawled everywhere.

Somse had a receptacle in which he kept his false teeth next to his bed, the very first receptacle for the very first false teeth, remember, and that became like a spider-magnet. Spiders of every imaginable size and a rare number of colours crawled hither and thither all over it. And when the receptacle was full and his false teeth were totally covered, they swarmed up the sides and hung over the edge until it resembled a hairy beast watching his bed with superwangle malevolence through myriad tiny eyes.

And so it was that after he returned when his day’s work was done (his work being the conjuring of New Words into the language he was creating) he went to his bed, he actually lay upon it and reached for his false teeth in order to consume an apple. Apples in those distant days, remember, were excessively crunchy and unpleasantly bitter, don’t forget. False teeth were really a pre-requisite when it came to eating apples.

And he saw the spiders.

All of them, from tiny weeny little things to monstrous, hairy-legged monstrosities, and he screamed loud and long.

It was the first of all screams, and the loudest.

Wangles everywhere heard it, and so, of course did Vee.

“I’m so clever a She-Wangle,” she crowed, “for see what I have done!”

It took Somse many days to recover his normal miserable persona, and when he did he cast a spell that would reduce all She-Wangles to servitude for the rest of time as punishment for the trick played on him by Vee, and because she had gone against his express wishes.

Which, my friends, is what occurred.

© Peter Rogerson 23.09.14


One Response to “The Wangle Genesis”

  1. pambrittain September 24, 2014 at 8:34 pm #

    He needed to take a bath. Sure am glad I don’t live in the land of the Wangles. I need to take a bath—feel like I have spiders all over me.

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